For months I’ve been telling myself and others that after I get this, this, and this done I will slow done and enjoy life, my kids, and this summer.
Only I have this type A personality that thrives on getting stuff done and everything checked off my never ending to do list.
So combine that with chronic fatigue, and that the simple fact of life is that there is no way to ever have everything on your list done at once. I’m forever pushing to get something done only resting when my body says I’m done and will let me do no more.
This leads to me forever taking more on when I feel good, and stressing about what I’m not getting done when I’m not doing great. This is much to my husband’s chagrin as he is very good at living a slower pace of life and relaxing (when I give him the chance ) and only taking on what he feels he can handle at once.
So God in his wisdom, that I did not see at all as wisdom at first, decided to give me something that would force me to slow down and focus on only the most pressing of things, taking care of myself and focusing on my kids.
You see I suck at self-care. Unless not taking care of myself means I’m not taking care of one of my children. Then I’m super good about it.
So last Thursday when I was about to put a lot more stuff on my plate (really good stuff, but more stuff none the less) I found out via two little lines that my life and year was very unexpectantly about to look a lot different.
So instead of starting BJJ, I’m doing a much lower intensity physio class. Instead of doing a good but labor intensive homeopathic gut healing protocol and AIP diet, I’m doing a prenatal homeopathic protocol and just trying to eat healthily. Instead of killing myself trying to get my house and yard perfect when I offer last minute to host a farewell party, I rested in the morning, did the bare minimum cleaning and then went shopping so that I could get the groceries I needed to cook ahead before the morning sickness hits for real. And then I tried hard not to apologize to everyone about how awful my house and yard looked. Instead of rushing to get things done I’ve let myself and the boys sleep in and have taken the boys to fun places instead of trying to get more work done.
I’m sure there are many more plans that will be changed by this little one. Like my hope to feel good enough next year to plant the huge garden that I haven’t had the energy for this year. It will change how we plan the family trip we are hoping to take to BC to visit my husband’s family next year. And it will mean possibly putting off the new animals I was hoping to add to our acreage for another 2yrs instead of 1.
Through it all, I’m hoping to be able to see the blessing of slowing down and being more present with my family instead of feeling the loss of what I had hoped to be doing and accomplishing.
Right now I’m just enjoying the fact that I am able to give myself an excuse to get some rest and just be with my kids.
So if you come to visit be prepared for some things to be undone and a little messy as I work out the balancing act of enjoying life and getting things done.